The Law of Accelerating Portobello Mushrooms

The entire course of cosmic history has been leading up to the creation and expansion of Portobello Mushrooms. The process of evolution is nothing more than a feedback loop that increases the amount of portobello-mushroomness in the biosphere. Each subsequent evolutionary stage builds on what came before so this feedback loop is not merely advancing but accelerating exponentially. This empirical observation of historical trends is what I have dubbed the Law of Accelerating Portobello Mushrooms.

The claim that the entire course of cosmic history is leading up to Portobello Mushrooms may sound strange at first but just consider the plot below. One can clearly see that there is a smooth exponential trend towards Portobello Mushrooms throughout history if we consider relevant historical paradigm shifts. This trend is smooth and robust and represents the result of 20 years of studying patterns in history.




The conclusion that Portobello Mushrooms were the inevitable product of evolution is unavoidable. But what does this mean for the future? The obvious conclusion is that our entire biosphere will be consumed by Portobello Mushrooms. Also, since this is an inevitable exponential (as opposed to linear) Law of Acceleration, this will happen in just a few decades.

After consuming all life on earth, the Portobello Mushrooms will then expand out from the planet earth turning the solar system, the galaxy and eventually the entire universe into a giant Portobello Mushroom at which point it will start invading parallel universes, turning them into Portobello Mushrooms.

This is all quite inevitable.

 

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